Monday, 29 May 2017

Surviving the Loss of a Loved One

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So I have been thinking and relating pains we face in life, and yes, it’s always fresh somehow
Today I want to talk to someone. Let’s talk about losing loved ones
It is a sure thing, you know where it hurts most; more than your neighbor does, or your best friend
They could be saying everything wrong and you know it
They could be taking your pain lightly and you see it
You know you are wearing a happy face behind a scathed one
You know you are feeling this deep hole that nothing can fill
You walk into your room, and wish you could still hear their voice singing in the mornings
Or hear the words of wisdom they shared
You want to live knowing they prayed for you today, and checked on you
Nothing feels real, and there are times you find yourself wondering why they are not yet back from the grocery, or from the school they taught, or from the farm, or even from the market.
You know you are missing every quarrel that didn’t matter, or how you and your siblings were when they were still alive
Every morning seems to be harder than the one before, and everyone else seems to be moving briskly
You want to keep their best clothes, under your pillow, or read that story book they read you while you were still younger
You want to feel the warmth, but it’s no longer there
There is never a cut and paste situation to what we all feel, but somehow we leave each day at a time
We wake up each morning making commitments to cover every hour as it comes. We never get over it at all, but we learn to live with what we can
So make yourself a progress table, tell yourself, “Today I will cry when I need to”, then at the end of the day ask yourself how you feel. Write down the good things about them, something personal you can remember, or if you can sing, then sing about it. Play a piano, a violin, and drum if you want, go sporting, or go box the punch bag, whatever it is, let it out. Be where people are, they could be people you know or those you don’t, but don’t stay alone. There will always be something to think or wonder about.
Try not to be hard on yourself, there was not much you could do. And when you can’t get answers, trust in the Lord.

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Proud to be a woman

Oh how am proud of this body granted to women…. I love our brains that keep our world intact, through our daily lives....See I feel like a child on Christmas day when I think of it. It feels like I have received a new doll, every day when I stand at the mirror and look at myself. I love every curve headed to nowhere, every smooth part of a woman sliding to nowhere. There is an aura of elegance, spirited around us for some sacred reason, and you know damn well the world needs us.

I love every lazy moving part of a woman that meets the tide of the wind, I see no ill but God’s own marvelous creation, I love being a woman. I love every scent of femininity that follows me around, or the aura of maturity that comes with age. I love the grace with which my existence brings, and I love being world's most complex organism. I pride in my beauty and take happiness as a personal milestone.

And today, Its international women’s day again, and the excitement is back. Oh how I want to celebrate you woman. I want to tell the world what you are worth, what I am worth. The studious women and the not so studious, the merry ones and the not so merry I celebrate you all, I salute you all. I salute you mother, for all the patience you have had with me. I salute all the ladies in my life, you know you have been instrumental; definitive of who I am, I want to thank all the ladies for the precious gossip we have once in a while, we add on to our days of living, and in so doing we consult over key issue with diligence.

 I celebrate you woman, for the unimaginable pain you go through bringing a child to the world, for the pains of crumps you carry around. I celebrate you women, for the leadership you uphold in your families and communities. I celebrate you women, for how good you have become at nurturing great people. I celebrate you women, for the full granaries we keep having season after another. I declare you a riddle of all times, an epitome over the years and a mentor to the generations. I celebrate you with zeal over and again. I want to hold each woman by the hand, for the herbal medicine treatment we hold to our graves, some of us owe our lives to it, I celebrate you woman, for every moment you took your breast out to feed a young one, for every moment you took to feed another, for every moment you went out of your way to clothes another. surely you have it your hearts to cause no harm whatsoever. Oh how I celebrate you all, for the many and the not so man things I can mention. Ma you feel the pride of being a woman. May you carry no yoke of burden home, for the world is our place, we are the power puff girls somehow, and we save the world somehow.

Thursday, 9 February 2017

Triumphant Somalia

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Looking back at the pains of my neighboring country, I feel like Allah has finally answered their prayers. I believe he will make life more bearable for them. So Somalia finally has a new president: Abdullahi Mohamed Farmajo. I haven't seen genuine joy like this in a long time. There is celebration everywhere since the moment he won. See I live in Daadab, a refugee camp with over 90% Somalis. So last night the 8th of Feb, 2017 was a night like no other. Vehicles went through the camps. Hooting and people singing songs of victory. The mood in this place is joyfully overwhelming. One just has to say that Farmajo's win is beneficial and even the camels will look happier. 

Today has been a celebratory mood too. Now I know am not Somali, but in the moment I was happy to tears with joy. Children, women, and the old stood up at a function. So in honor of the Somalia progressive democracy, I saluted and the Somalia National anthem sang. I swear I felt like that was a victory song. It is still lingering in my head. I see the children jumping with joy. I see the master of ceremony leading the people in the song. I see long hugs of revived hope, tears of a new land, the slogan is known even without voicing it out, " Home at last". Long live Peace in Somalia. 

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Lost and Found

Growing up in the Lord Jesus christ, we all get to hear
Image result for prodigal sonof different parables. And so these past few weeks I have been pondering upon the words of one preacher at my local church. I have been thinking of the three similar yet not so similar parables. The parable of the lost sheep, that of the prodigal son and that of the lost coin.
Every lesson always point out that indeed our good Lord is stretching out his hands, for they that are lost....that he will keep looking for us, every single minute, hour, day and time. He thinks of us all the while and when he brings us to his fold, then Heaven is full of joy, for one sinner has repented, one sinner came back home. Of the three parables, I came to learn that much as the lost sheep and the prodigal son have the knowledge that they are lost
the coin knows not that they are lost, 
this calls for deliberate efforts by the woman who lost it. She picks a broom, a candle and sets to look for it in the whole house
and when she finds it, her joy is so evident
the same way, there are those of us who profess of the Lord, who are lost within our own safe zones, thinking we still serve the Lord, yet we are so lost we need to be found
like the lost coin we know not that we are lost
and this is a wake up re-evaluate ourselves
Image result for lost coinsee if we are lost within our faiths...and come back to the Lord
we are Lost when worship becomes simply a routine obligation, when we worship to fit in, when we keep appearances by being among believers
so evaluate yourself...just like I am doing. Believe me, its not all rosy what you may find.

Friday, 21 October 2016

The Law is not an Idol

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"So last week started rather interestingly, I received a call from a friend. And he was furious that the university had apprehended his fellow lecturer for allegedly raping a student he teaches. The circumstances, he said were impossible for there to be rape. That the student left voluntarily with the lecturer in his vehicle and later on claims she had been raped along the way to town. “I would have changed the case round to look like a normal accident where the lady broke his legs, where I ran her over,   I would rather pay for that than be defamed with rape”. He said. He was worried that his friend’s reputation had been ruined….and that he was now ashamed even with his very own family."

So you wonder every single day, ore our legal systems, in the name of we can always do things another way. See there is no sympathy in cases of rape, and even if you are friends, lovers, husband and wife, gay lovers of lesbian lovers, the law has to take its cause. Show no mercy to no body, and this is not about payback time, but about instilling the right values needed in every. No relative who commits rape or defilement is safe to go home. He or she will do it again. When you are taken to the learned friends, take responsibility of your very own actions. For whether or not you are tried on this world, there will be another trial someday soon. So take it upon yourself to respect other peoples sexual rights, when you rape, understand that it is your own fault and never the fault of the survivor. understand that there is a thin line between consent and not consenting. Whether you force or coerce, you are committing a felony and indeed deserve the full wrath of the law. So yes, I advocate for the killing of the Idol we make of the law. May we see the law as the law. Amen!

Thursday, 25 August 2016

When I am a girl

            So Today i want to celebrate the Gender Institute in Egerton University. They are responsible for the passion i have in addressing gender related issues and especially reproductive health issues and mentorship provision for my sisters and brothers who want to join campus. See once in while we all need someone to assure us we can make it, someone who will tell us they understand our challenges but it would still be possible to make it, someone who will hold your hand and tell you, you are not alone, someone who will be able to tell you this is the way. we all need these gifts.

So, one morning in Morop girls somewhere in Nakuru County, we set out to talk to the girls, you see, its not just about the locale that is a challenge, all is well and agriculture flourishes around here, however, it has been hard to complete schools for some, because they get they get pregnant before it is time enough to have children, the poverty levels are relatively higher and words of encouragement make it worth their stay in school. as a human right component, education for the girls just like the boys should take a holistic approach, since women and girls have different needs as far as education is concerned. and so today for all the work individuals, NGOs, and friends do, I would like to salute Dr. Parsitau from the department of Gender in Egerton, you work will yield more fruits than you can imagine, I salute Lydia Mangoa and Abigail Basweti, thinking of girls in your local communities is commendable, I salute Sam Martin from GEMPlan Consult, your gender mainstreaming strategies are worth the trouble, I salute Sally Owuonda, your efforts to see girls see themselves in leadership is commendable, I salute Pascaliah Marwa, your passion to end the Female Cut keeps girls in school, I salute Cherotich Milcah, you take it upon yourself to understand what challenges our girls in the refugee camps go through....Oh how I salute you all. For each helping hand we extend, we shape our future.                                                                                                         

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

We all need a friend


We all need friends most of the time, we all need someone we can lean on, someone we can call brother or sister, who isn't from your mother. Even when we push others away, that's the time we need them a lot. friendship is the only thing that has us living with each other, in simple ways its shown and subtle methods we use. When you cannot get all you would need from an earthly friend, then there is always an option of having a heavenly friend. Just don't do without either. 
See when i was growing up, I was told of a king called David, and how no one thought he would be king. But what actually caught my eye is the fact that he had this friend, i would call him unconditional, who was called Jonathan, i would love to call him Natty. You see in today's world we always choose evil over our friends, maybe we haven't had to choose really tough decisions to start with. In the face of death for David, Natty decided to hide him from his very own father......that's enviable. Am not sure how many would brag today of such friends, we all wait for them to die, and afterwards say long speeches at their graves. Yet we know they know nothing and hear nothing.  Friendship is the only investment that offers inexpensive options yet very rewarding.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

My sister and I

Today i celebrate my sister, and all the lovely moments we share. I tell a story of one of those moments that always leave me smiling

Thursday, 19 May 2016

My Home of Wonders

 photo adopted from
I don't know what it takes to be a god, but once you are, its another show all together.
today I cant help but laugh,....maybe I shouldn't. But I can't help it...
there is this man in my neighboring county in Kenya, he is a god in his own way
believe me we have lots of them each day, maybe its our amusement
I knew him through the media, I swear he had it in him to move hearts
......and women....that didn't come out loud, did it?
He called himself Jehovah- Wanyonyi. And as days go by, I continue seeing the ends of times through this man and his followers. I probably shouldn't judge, so I will say it like it is, he is a god who died but his followers think he is alive. He has wives, and CHILDREN......that's a talent too,
So today another woman, 65 years of age appears in his neighborhood, assures the residents that he isn't dead, and says she has been sent to continue the ministry of delivering men from evil. You see, that's not all....the man whom she recently married, she calls him malaika, that's angel in Swahili. Is this what we call slavery or religious liberty? I am definitely filing folk tales for my grandchildren some day when they become of age....I have to prove I was alive somehow. One of this fine days am going to walk on a boneless chest from laughing....

Friday, 13 May 2016

Slow Bellies

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I have met the greatest poet of them all. Our God just has the loveliest language to refer to "lazy Gluttons", He calls them slow bellies. So you think you ain't one? Well you know best, I don't. But here is what I have learned.
- whn you lie to have that which your neighbor has, when you covet, you are being a slow belly
- when you get home, and watch your old folks work their backs out, as you watch TV, you are a slow belly
- when you are corrupt, and "eat" tax payers money unlawfully, politician you are a slow belly
- when you consult the dark world, and fake miracles, brother you are a slow belly
- when you befriend malice, and discriminate others, you are a slow belly
- when you look down upon women, the youth, and the children, you are a slow belly
- when you manage, coercively, the finances of another house, you are a slow belly
- when you force others into prostitution, lie to others of jobs, to later prostitute them in foreign countries, you are a slow belly
- when you torcher witnesses to win a court case, you are being a slow belly
- when you grab your second self to deplete it, in the name of greed for land, my friend you will go back to that very soil, don't be a lazy glutton

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

The Blessing of Being a Loser

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One day you wake up, you feel confused or maybe you think you are. Your face is all worn out and all you want to do is take your wrinkles to some other place no one knows. You want to become invisible, and still enjoy the company of your loved ones. So you walk away from everyone, and venture into the woods. This is where you have always had your prayers. This is where you meet God. This is where you become you. And today you feel a little scared. You feel like holding on to a rope and playing "squeeze my neck". You are asking yourself, why am i not getting there. Why am i always losing it all. Why do they all seem to know better? But you haven't stopped to ask yourself, what lessons are here for me today ? you haven't realized, the sweetness of being a lose. When you lose:
1. You become sober and analyze your situation better
2. You know you have the advantage of time to make a good comeback
3. You have the opportunity to learn from your past mistakes
4. You can finally understand the value of patience in success

So instead of whining your day away, thank your master and hold your head high. Keep in mind, those who ever did great things lost more than you have. So, press on young general!

Thursday, 21 April 2016

The Battle of Dignity


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Every single day, we take pride in our cultures. You see, they have shaped us. Everyone says Africa is unique, well, indeed it is. It still surprises me sometimes. However, there are certain cultures which harm us than they help us. The rationale behind them was noble, but over time they have become horrible. In my community, out of the 42 tribes in Kenya, we are the only ones who pass on wives like a relay match when her husband dies. I wonder what race we want to complete. You see, it doesn't matter how old she is, she will be inherited by a male relative to the husband. In gone days, this was to ensure security for the woman and her children , but lately, this has become what we commonly call "Team Mafisi"- a team of men who behave like hyenas. Always hungering and lusting for property left behind. They would gladly lick blood on a blade oozing from their very own mouths.

Asked to drop this culture, they would argue they want to remain dignified. In a modern era, women too fell a loss of dignity being inherited (well, am not saying all, some love to be inherited). It has become hard to curb this practice , you see our matrimonial property Act in Kenya clearly safeguards wealth after death of the husband, but the Marriage Act of 2014, recognizes customary marriage (which takes polygamy as a norm). Between these two legal entities are a people who use threats, coercion and blackmail to inherit widows, and it is not a matter of how, it is a matter of when. Sometimes I think even with lots of education, we never learned. Its no wonder, we host HIV/AIDS in our counties, we predominantly live in Siaya, Kisumu and Homabay counties. You could even ask the simsim peddler, they all know what has become of us. You see, it's one thing to be HIV positive and live positively, and it is another to welcome the virus whole-heartedly and host it in our counties. There are times i tend to think this is a love hate situation. We hate to say we are screwing up, but love to keep our dignity and host retrogression.

Sunday, 17 April 2016

Fleeing Poverty

 Its a Sunday like any other. am doing my laundry, dad is marking students papers, mom is doing the dishes and my sister just left to help a neighbor cook for visitors. on either sides of the house are men working on the shamba. there are two to the right and three to the left. i can hear the three laugh. one of them, lets call him James, never misses something to say and laugh about. and today they have been talking politics. you see elections is just around the corner so this has to be juicy talk. so i get closer hanging my cloths on the cloth line. They speculate the next president, talk of the current and those who will never make it. and then they talk money. You see here it is easy to be bought as a voter, or better said, your needs can be catered for during election periods if you swear allegiance to a certain politician. So, they are asking themselves, if Politician 'Generous' gave you money to vote for him what would you do. the other man, lets call him Lameck, answers that he wouldn't hesitate to take the money. you see it doesn't really matter how much. even a dollar is just as good as enough. so they joke around other bigger values of money. so i try answering myself, what exactly is our problem, is it poverty ,ignorance or joblessness? somehow the three are close twins and affect us all in the same magnitude. You see, we have known the smell of poverty to the core so much that we yearn to breathe fresh air of a little richness. we want to be people in our societies, we want to climb the social ladder that is ever slippery. we want resources too. and this has become our very way. this we say is our way out. so we flee as if we never doing this ever. we pocket sums of money to please politician the likes of 'Generous' from county 'Ignorant', My country is made up of few elites and many, very many who are not, we all live for the day and by the day. we eat our daily sweat and tomorrow is just another day of its own. Oh how we run from poverty. Like the rails of train we fall badly when we slip from the cycle of poverty. Maybe we are doing it all wrong, maybe we just don't want to move, or maybe, just maybe, its in our DNA!

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Story Time

Old tale
It is the same old tale
That Cinderella went to the ball
And met a prince charming
Who later looks for her with the shoes
The ones she dropped on her way home

They give birth to little jack
Who becomes strong and climbs a beanstalk
To save a singing princess from the wrath of Joibata the monster
The one who killed Waithera, Kariuki’s sister

He frees the princess and is called superman
And together with princess Robinhood
They leave and fall in love in Hollywood
And they lie happily ever after

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

The People, The Theory and The Science

Image result for shadow photos of sad roses
Image result for shadow photos of people happyIt’s a new dawn for our leaders here in Kenya; and also a large fraction of my brothers and sisters here. Is this propaganda as usual? Is it business as usual you ask? Why are we back to square one? Did we get scared of talking? Did we hide away the real truths? Did we just let time be wasted? Did we dine with darkness on account of our very own futures? Your guess is as good as mine.
I wonder, living amongst us are those who ruined us. And we led ICC wrongly, or maybe, led ourselves astray. Is it a case of dependency? Is it because they are the haves and we are the have nots? Are they that indispensable? Those people who fueled floods of blood. We have come to the rude realization, that indeed we wasted time. Crimes have gone unpunished, the rapes, the murders, the inhumane acts. All blown away with strong winds over time, while we followed empty court processes, or better still pregnant proceedings that forcefully opened our eyes. It is joy indeed. I now have leaders with no ‘international wrangles’. BUT, may we acquire the serenity to understand our current joy; and the loopholes it still presents in our very justice system. Part of us feels like finally this story is coming to an end. The ICC just found no evidence enough to hold those of our own. Six years of uneasiness, of mixed feelings and prayers amid curses. Six years of devastating struggles for survivors of sexual violence, six years waking up to questions and possibilities; and when the six years are finally over and done with, at the end of it all, its triumph and glory, or maybe sadness and worry.  So is that bad or good news? You may wonder…..

You see, in his arguments on the science of justice, Lysander Spooner, once said, to achieve the science of justice,

“…….we have to live honestly, hurt no one and give to every one his dues…”

And so without meaning to; we wonder, what was the point in all those processes? If indeed ICC found no evidence, why couldn’t it see the gaps therein? Surely those stories must have been enough to see through what was presented. And maybe learn who the real culprits are. As happy as we may be, where does the whole situation leave us? What happens to all these questions that linger in our minds, how do we not open the wounds that yearn to heal, or better still, what do we tell our great grandchildren when later in life they ask us, papa where were you when all this happened? Mama I though women had voices during that time. The Question is, are we living honestly? Are we trying not to hurt others? Are we giving everyone his dues? Are we fair? Are we being objective? Have we resigned?
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